


Inner Demons

by AloneShadow



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 'Guess I need to point that out first thing, Boys Kissing, But actually nothing graphic, Dark Thoughts, Drug-induced hell someone can't survive, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Steve Rogers, If you hate Steve you're welcome, If you love Steve I'm sorry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Love and Jazz, M/M, Murder-Suicide, Post-Avengers (2012), Prompt sharing!, Some Plot, Steve Feels, Suit Kink, Tony Being the hero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 10:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12768840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AloneShadow/pseuds/AloneShadow
Summary: Tony could just stare in confusion: there was only the two of them there. “Who’s right?” he murmured, “Who you’re talking to?”





	Inner Demons

**Author's Note:**

> The first title for this fic was In Between, because I started it lots of months ago writing something else, then I continued while writing another fic and now it's finished- while starting another one. This fic was constantly poking at me.  
> I liked the idea so here it is. Check the tags twice to avoid any unpleasant surprise. That said, enjoy some hard time on Steve.

“Don’t you think it would be kind of ridiculous?” 

“Ridiculous? Everyone would be amazed. Especially the kids.” 

“You want to play that card now?” 

“What if I do?” Clint Burton keep staring at the soldier until he sighed and the archer grinned, “Was that a yes?” 

"It wasn't," Steve Rogers said, hands in his jean’s pockets, looking down at the archer sitting on one of the couches in S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters’ hall, “But you’re not gonna drop it, are you?” 

“I know you secretly want to go.” 

“Not really...” He said, but the other just raised his eyebrows in a glare that could be easily translated in _Liar_ , so he coughed a bit to hide a smile and added, “Maybe next time, alright?” 

Natasha Romanoff came out from the elevator not too far and frowned at them. “You shouldn’t be on a plane to Tokyo?” she asked the archer. 

“I was waiting for you.” 

“You were not supposed to,” she deadpanned, watching Captain America looking down, shaking his head with still a slight smile on his lips. Natasha’s shoulders dropped, “Please, don’t tell me it’s about the museum again…” 

“He’s stubborn, I’ll give him that,” Steve said ironically impressed. 

“I am, and Steve just said yes,” Clint announced. 

“I didn’t-” 

“Why you want to take Steve see his own history section?” She asked, “It's not like he doesn’t know everything reported there already.” 

Clint’s eyes squinted at her in an intense glare, “How you know?” 

“Maybe because he was there.” Natasha shot back with a cold expression. 

“But it would be fun!” 

“For who, I wonder...” Steve sighed. 

“Hey, I saw that smile on your face, you know?” Clint snorted at him, before crying at her again, “Come on Nat, tell him something!” 

“And _what_ , exactly?” She asked raising an eyebrow. 

“I don’t know… think about the kids?” 

Both Steve and Natasha rolled their eyes and she grabbed the archer by his arm, “We’re off. Later, Steve.” 

“Careful out there,” He said watching Natasha nod and sent a short smile at him while Clint was still blabbing about the _kid’s hopes and dreams risking to be destroyed_. 

Steve shook his head and moved to the vending machine. Waiting for the drink, he looked at the city outside: it was almost a year since he woke up after his seventy-years nap and just six months since the Chitauri battle in New York. He was still searching for a place to live, staying at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ in the meanwhile. He knew that staying there permanently was a valid option, but find a place to call home felt as important as his need to fit in the future he joined too late. 

“Captain Rogers?” 

He turned around, finding Maria Hill waiting with some documents in hand, “Yes?” 

“Director Fury asked to inform you about a problematic situation we’re dealing with. Your assistance would be helpful.” She said, handing the documents. 

Steve read it and then frowned, “A hostage situation?” 

“One of our best scientist, Julie Matis. We would like to have her back safe and sound.” 

“Any information about the kidnapper?” 

“We know it’s a man, not involved with S.H.I.E.L.D. or related to Doctor Matis in any way. He also seems to be, and I quote, _a bald man with no sense of humor and a gun bigger than his brain_.”

Steve blinked and looked up at her in confusion.

“That’s the only description of the man we have so far. We got it from one of our consultants that it was present during the kidnap.” 

“A consultant?” 

“Tony Stark. The kidnap happened during a Stark Convention in one of his hotel, outside the city. He’s still there.” 

Steve nodded, wisely choosing to not comment on Tony’s concept of _description of a suspect_. “Alright. Let him know that backups are on the way.”

.-.-.-.-.

“No, they're not- Pep, I didn’t- hey, I don’t even know that woman, ok? That psycho just rushed in and- yes, yes Pep, I have my suit but a woman in danger wasn’t worth to use it… PEP, of course _I don’t have the suit!_ ”

Steve recognized the voice the moment he stepped into the hall of the gigantic hotel busy with people moving here and there, in the confusion and tension the assault had created. He gave some instruction to the few men of his team before following the voice, watching Tony Stark turning and sighing in relief… or maybe he was just tired. Trying to understand Stark’s emotions was as difficult as it was seventy years before with his father.

“The hero of the country is here, Pep, I have to- yes, I mean Steve. Alright… yeah, you do that.” Tony closed the call and reached for him, “Welcome to the party. Want a drink?” 

Steve was getting used to his constant sarcasm, at least. “Maybe later.” He wasn’t used seeing him in an elegant black suit all crumpled, though, with a cut already patched up on his forehead, “What happened?” 

“No briefing yet?” 

“Agent Hill told me about the kidnap and that you were present, not that you- were involved in it,” he said, pointing at his face. 

“Not for my choice. I was talking to Julie when that madman appeared from nowhere and hit me with a gun. I saw him take her away- to the elevators… I didn’t even know she was from S.H.I.E.L.D.” 

“You know where are they, now?” 

Tony shrugged and sent a look at the elevators behind himself, on the other side of the hall. “They stopped ten minutes ago on the twelfth floor apparently, but I think he’s moving around on foot… I need a- huh- that.” He looked around before walking to the computers behind the reception’s table. 

Steve followed, trying to ignore the glances of curiosity from both, guests of the hotel and officers. Walking in there with his Captain America' suit on suddenly felt kind of awkward. 

“Don’t mind them,” Tony said working on the keyboard, as reading his mind, “Everyone here was hoping to see the whole gang rushing in wearing their funny suits.” 

“You’re part of the _gang_ too, but they’re not staring at you.” 

Tony stopped and looked at him, annoyed, taking a deep, patient breath before just go back to focus on the computer. “First of all, rude. Second, that’s just because you have your hero suit and I forgot mine.” 

“Really?” 

“It should've been just a boring convention. I wasn’t expecting a kidnap.” He sent a quick glare at the soldier next to him, but then looked twice and smirked, “You’re wearing the new suit I gave you.” 

Steve forced himself to nod, “Yes, I am.” 

“You better take care of it. Isn’t it better than the vintage one?” 

“Tony…” 

“That old suit was awkward to look at.” 

“Wha- why?” 

“Got him.” Tony straightened his back, pointing at the screen, “Pool. They’re in the pool downstairs. Told you he was trying to distract us.” 

Steve let go the suit’s discussion and nodded. “My team is checking the other floors, and rest of them is securing the perimeter outside. You wait for Hill. She should be here soon with more support.” 

“Sure, and they’ll catch up with us downstairs.” 

Steve stopped and turned around, finding Tony right behind him. “You should stay here and kept me updated if the kidnapper-” 

“You can’t say I’m an Avenger too and then ask me to stay on the bench. I know this place better than you, anyway.” 

The soldier thought for a second. “Alright, but be careful.“ 

“You know I’m older than you at the moment, right?” 

“It’s not about age-”

“I can’t take care of myself, _Captain_. Can we go save the damsel in distress now?” Tony snorted and walked toward the stairs, followed by the soldier that just sighed in resignation. 

 

Descending the stairs, didn’t take long for Tony’s ego to point something out. “It’s because I don’t have my suit, isn’t it?” 

“You said that, not me,” Steve answered walking in front of him. 

“You know how we call this? I low blow. You don’t do that to your friends.” 

“I didn’t say anything,” Steve murmured, slowing down when they reached the big, wood doors of the pool, and he carefully opened one side: the place was silent, the lights into the pool the only illumination available, creating a calm, or gloomy, atmosphere shaded of blue.

“But I’m sure you were thinking about it,” Tony snorted, then looked better on the other side of the big pool. “Hey…” 

“Not now, Tony.” 

“There’s someone there, Sherlock.” 

Steve looked at him and followed his gaze: there was a woman at the edge of the pool. 

“I think it’s her- that’s Julie,” Tony said after a moment, walking fast to reach her, and Steve followed keeping an eye on the surroundings. “Doctor Matis? Julie?” Tony called when they were closer. 

The poor woman was shaking like a leaf in the wind, kneeling on the white pavement; her short, purple dress all crumpled around her, and most of the long black hairs out of her elegant chignon. She kept a hand on the side of her head, on his ear, while the other arm was hidden against her right side. She didn’t answer. 

Tony shared a look with Steve that moved forward and crouched next to her, “Doctor Matis? Are you alright? Are you hurt?” 

She blinked and looked up at him with tears rolling down her face. 

“He did something to you?” Steve asked gently, and she slowly shook her head. 

“Did he give you something? Pills or-” Tony asked but stopped when she cried more, looking down. He saw Steve frowning at him so he explained, “That bastard had a bag, and I swear I saw medical tools in it when I tried to stop him.” 

Steve thought for a moment before standing and say, “You’re better than me at this. Can you check on her? See if she’s fine?” 

“Me? I’m not a doctor. She is, actually.” 

“You’re not a soldier either, but you fought an alien invasion.” 

“Touché,” Tony huffed and then they both looked down at the woman when she suddenly flinched and looked at her right. Following her gaze, they didn’t find anything. “Julie,” Tony crouched down next to her, “You know who the kidnapper is? You know where did he go?”

She shook her head again, but looked at him with heartbreaking eyes and then pointed at the locker rooms behind them. 

“I go check. You stay here with her. Take this.” Steve said handing him a gun. 

“Oh, come on…” 

“We don’t know if she-“ Steve stopped, lowering his voice, “We don't know where the man is yet.” 

“And you’re giving me a gun because…?” 

“Because I know you’re Iron Man, but you’re not actually made of iron.” 

Tony stared nervously at him, but then just took the gun, watching the soldier running away while taking the shield from his back. He then looked at the doctor, frowning a bit at the arm she was keeping hidden and pressed tightly against her right side. 

 

Meanwhile, Steve entered the locker rooms, carefully studying the silent, dark place. Moving forward, shield over his chest, he heard a noise from the other side so he moved closer, stopping at the entrance of the big shower’s room, but no one was there. He turned around, feeling a slight sting on his neck. It took him less than a second to catch whatever that thing was: a little, thin needle. He looked around and saw a man standing few meters away, in the other corridor. 

“What a shame. I was expecting Mr. Stark,” The bald man said with a hateful smirk, “You left him with the Doctor? Well, as they say: two birds with one stone.” 

 

Outside the locker rooms, Tony was staring at the woman’s arm. He was pretty sure that Julie was hiding something. How not he nor Steve notice it, was something to rant about later. “Doctor, what you have there?” he asked carefully.

“He… he gave it to me,” she said after a moment, still shaking, looking at him, pleading with watery eyes. “I don’t- I don’t want to use it.” 

“You don’t have to. You- you can just give it to me,” Tony said, slowly moving a hand forward, expecting to see another gun. “I can keep it for you if you want.” 

She winced and looked at her right again, crying more. “No, he’s not like that…” she said in tears. 

Tony followed her gaze but there was still nothing to look at. “Who you’re talking to?” 

She sniffed and looked back at him, “I should’ve listened to her that time...” She said and handed to him what she was hiding.

Tony felt a wave of panic ran all over his body when he found a syringe half-full with a blue liquid placed into his hand.

“He asked me to hurt you- all of you. I can’t- that’s not my job…” she cried then flinched and closed her eyes like something had hit her, and cried more. 

“It’s ok,” Tony forced himself to say, staring between her and the syringe in his hand, “You did the right thing. You-“ 

“No… no, I didn’t,” she said and, in an incredibly quick movement, stole the gun from his hand and stood up, at the same time as he did. 

“Hey- ok… easy now,” was all Tony could say, actually feeling like a stupid, useless civilian. “Julie, that’s-“ the gun moved to aim at his chest and he raised his hands. “Alright… Julie, listen, you don’t need that. You’re safe now-“ 

“I don’t-“ Julie looked sideways, tears still rolling down her face, “She’s right… I don’t deserve to be safe.” 

Tony could just stare in confusion: there was only the two of them there. “Who’s right?” he murmured, “Who you’re talking to, Julie?”

 

“What do you mean?” Steve asked angrily, moving forward. 

“Ha- ha,” the man scolded him raising a strange little gun at him, “Trust me. Not even you would like another dose.” 

_He shot me the dart..._ "A dose of what?" 

“You better prepare for the worst, Captain,” The man just smiled, “This might become really interesting…”

Steve’s glare was murderous, “If you hurt someone…”

"You think I'm joking?" He raised the aim to his head. "Want to find out if you're fast enough to dodge all the bullets?" he said and the tense moment of stillness was interrupted by a gunshot that echoed from the pool. 

Steve looked away just for a few seconds, but when he turned again the man was running towards another exit. He launched the shield that just smashed into the metal of the door that locked itself closed. "Damn it," Steve hissed running to take back the shield, hearing a buzz from the com in his hear. 

“Captain Rogers, you copy? What’s the situation?” S.H.I.E.L.D. backups were there, finally. 

“The man is trying to escape from another exit of the pool. Close the perimeter around the hotel, don’t let him escape,” he said running back to the main room, “He's armed. Be careful.” Once outside, the relief finding Tony still alive and standing was cut short from the view of Julie Matis’ body sprawled on the floor, immobile, gun still in one hand, while the other one was past the edge of the pool, in the water, blood slowly flowing into it. “What happened?” 

“She…” Tony swallowed, “She took my gun and- and shot herself. She was talking nonsense and then...” he moved a hand indicating the body before taking some step back. 

Steve looked with sadness at Julie, even more angry against her kidnapper- and the memory of his creepy warnings made him check better on Tony. “You’re hurt?” he asked. He could see bloodstains over his suit and face.

“No, but she- she had a syringe… she said that man wanted her to use it on me but she didn’t… Damn it, where is it?” Tony said nervously looking around. 

“S.H.I.E.L.D. will be down here soon. I’m sure they-” 

“I bet what’s in that syringe it’s the same thing that drove Doctor Matis insane... I- I dropped it when- because of the shot, but-" 

"Tony... hey," Steve grabbed his shoulder to stop his stiff movements, "You sure you're ok?" 

He looked at him, then at Julie before looking away again. "Yes... Yes, but I need to find- there!” He spotted the syringe and moved away from him, carefully taking it back. 

“You think he gave her some kind of virus?” Steve worriedly watched him check on it before passing a hand over his face stained with traces of Doctor Matis’ blood.

Tony winced at the red he found on his hand, then locked eyes with him and shook his head, “Maybe. But it’s not infective. The last thing Julie said was that it’s not infective… I hope it's true.”

_I hope so too_ , Steve thought. “Come on. Let’s go back upstairs.”

Tony looked Julie’s body one last time before nodding and slowly walking away from her. “What about that asshole? You got him?” 

“Yeah, but he escaped.” 

Tony stopped so suddenly that the soldier almost tripped on him, “He escaped?” 

“I got distracted.” 

“You? Distracted?” 

“When I heard the gunshot.” 

Tony was going to say something but then closed his mouth, studying him like he could scan him even without the Iron Man suit, then he looked briefly at Doctor Matis’s body again. 

“Yeah, I know. That’s on me,” Steve said with a cold voice and walked away, giving Tony no time to say anything else.

 

Once back in the hall, they meet up with the other agents that quickly split into groups, one going downstairs, one trying to calm down the people, and one listening to Steve and Tony about what happened in the pool. 

Tony explained that Doctor Matis was clearly under the effect of some drugs, but that she didn’t hurt anyone; he then gave them the syringe, repeating what Julie had said: whatever she got wasn’t infective, it needed to be injected directly into the body at least but, in the end, the agents asked for a sample of his blood anyway.

Steve was on the doorstep of the little room turned into a provisory infirmary when that happened. Tony was looking down at his own blood filling the syringe with a serious expression. At least there was no more blood on his face… 

_They just want to take what they need. Some things never change._

Steve blinked and turned around but there was only the chaos of voices in the hall. And yet, that male voice just now was close enough to be heard… 

“Captain Rogers?” An agent called for him from inside the room, “You were hurt? Do you need any assistance?” 

“No, I’m fine. Thanks,” he said looking back at her. “You know how long we’ll have to stay here?” 

“We need to know that Mister Stark’s blood is clean first, and that what Doctor Matis said about the virus it's true. It will take some time, but you're not infected, so you're free to go if you want.” 

He shook his head, feeling bad for lying. “I'd prefer to stay here if that’s not a problem.” 

“Not at all.” She nodded, leaving the room.

Steve sighed, then looked at the man sitting on a table, passing a napkin over the arm they used for the transfusion. He walked in and stopped next to him, “You ok?” 

Tony quickly looked up, maybe too quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, everything looks normal… Do I look normal to you?” 

“That’s a tricky question.” 

“Very funny. Sorry if I don’t laugh, but I’m the one risking an unknown infection that could drive me crazy.” 

The soldier swallowed hard at those words. "I-"

_You really don’t care of anyone but yourself_

Steve looked back again, this time with his heart skipping a bit. He knew that voice… but again, there was no one there. 

“Rogers?” 

_You’re still the same little, weak kid from Brooklyn I saw the first time_

That was Peggy’s voice. 

Steve looked back when a hand grabbed his shoulder and he found Tony staring at him, “Sorry, I… I thought I heard something.” 

“Well, it’s a mess in here after the evacuation… any news about the kidnapper?” 

“No- not yet. They’re checking the whole area around the hotel right now.”

“I’ll try to make JARVIS take a look as well… better safe than sorry.” 

Steve nodded, still nervously looking outside and said, “I- I’ll go help the others.” Then he left, partly aware that Tony had tried to stop him. Once out the room, he moved to reach the agents talking in front of the elevators, sure that he was just tired. Doctor Matis’ death probably affected him more than he thought. It has to be that, because the other option was way worse… 

_You wanted to die so bad?_

Steve flinched this time, looking to his right as to dodge something, but there was nothing- surely no one even similar to Peggy Carter. Yet, that was her voice- but how? He couldn’t be infected. His blood should’ve cleaned itself after that needle hit him… Was he really going insane? 

_Dying was better than stay with me, was it?_

Steve closed his hands into fists and didn’t punch Tony square in the face when he grabbed his arm, only because he managed to recognize him in time.

Tony stared intently at him, scanning him with those eyes of his, voice low and tense. “You’re infected, are you?” he asked, and the soldier could just stare helplessly at him. 

 

“How the hell happened?” was the first question Tony asked when they moved into one of the suites of the hotel.

Steve didn’t even bother to look around the big, fancy room, he had more pressing things to think about. First, find a cure; second, try to control his nerves at the voices that were ready to whisper terribly words into his ears at any moment. “It happened.” He said, standing in the middle of the living room. 

Tony was next to him, “That’s it?” 

“He shot a needle at me.” 

“And you let him escape after that?” 

“He was ready to shot another dose at me if I'd tried to stop him." 

"He had a dart gun? Why you haven't told me about it before?" 

"I didn't know what it was at the time. Then I heard the gunshot... You know the rest.” 

Tony stared at him for a moment, still partly in disbelief, then huffed a laugh, “Did you forgot to have breakfast this morning or something?” and smiled even more, watching him roll his eyes and move away, “Well, it’s weird to see you like this.” 

“ _Like this_ how?” Steve echoed, looking nervously at him. 

“More-“ Tony stopped, then tried again, “Less professional.” 

_He was going to say_ more human, _you know?_

Steve turned to his right but again found nothing. It wasn’t Peggy… It was the male voice again...

“You heard something just now?” Tony asked, carefully moving closer. 

Steve took a deep breath, looking down. 

“If you don’t tell me what is happening, I can’t help you. That's why details are important to-” 

“I heard Howard.” He coldly interrupted him, “As if he was right here.” 

Tony blinked in surprise, then frowned, looking in that direction for a moment, “You saw him?” 

“No. I hear only his voice.” 

“Just him? Anyone else?” Tony asked, seeing him looking away again. “Steve, I’m trying to help here…” 

“You’re not helping. You’re just curious.” 

“Of course I am, I don’t know anything about this virus- not even if _virus_ is the right word. We need to start somewhere.” 

_Don’t be afraid, Steve. I’m sure he won’t play with your body like I did_

Tony saw his face harden. “What did he say?” 

“Nothing.” 

“You’re not that good at hiding emotions.” 

“I have to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D. They’ll know what to do.” 

“What? No, no, wait- hold on a sec,” Tony quickly moved in front of him, hands up. “I think it would be safer for you to stay here for now.” 

“Why? You have a cure?” 

“Not yet, but- ” 

“So I have no reason to stay.” He said surpassing him. 

“Steve-“ Tony sighed and moved between him and the door again. “They don’t have a cure either. We can update them from here. Easy and fast.” 

“How?” 

“You have me here, and I’m kind of an expert on this sort of things if you forgot.” 

“How could I, after what your father did on me?” Steve said harsher than he intended, and both of them stayed in silence for a moment. 

_And you’re not even half of what I was hoping for_

Steve looked down when the voice whispered next to him again, forcing himself not to turn around, hands in tight fists. 

“I guess you’re not hearing love songs,” Tony murmured, “That’s why you’re being so adorable… and that’s why Doctor Matis was crying like that. She probably heard the same kind of crap too.” 

Steve really hoped to resist a bit more before curling on himself and cry on the floor. “Sorry.” 

“It’s ok, but I’m serious. You better stay here until we’ll know more about this- whatever it is. Maybe S.H.I.E.L.D. already caught that bastard. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.” 

“I should tell them what is happening to me.” 

“We can do it from here, I told you.” 

“You’re not infected, you should go help them to-“ 

“You wish,” Tony snorted grabbing the phone from his jacket, using it while walking around the living room, “I’m not gonna take my eyes off of you until this mess will be over.” 

Steve watched him sit on top of the couch while working on the device at light speed. “Don’t you need your lab if you want to find a cure?” 

“Not necessarily.” He smiled a bit without looking up. 

_He’s just gonna waste his time… Like I did because of you. Like father, like son_

“I can simply- Steve?” 

_You really love to mess my family up, don’t you?_

“Hey.” 

Steve blinked when Tony grabbed his shoulder. He hadn't even realized he stood up from the couch to reach him again. “Sorry… What were you saying?” 

“Tell me what he said.” 

“No need.” 

“Look, I know what a big asshole my dad can be when he wants to.” 

“He didn’t say anything about you.” 

“He better, but that’s not the point.” Tony was stubborn, but he knew Steve was stubborn just the same, if not more. “Clearly he’s not wasting time in compliments. What he's complaining about?” 

Steve hesitated for a second, then just shook his head and said, “I have to call S.H.I.E.L.D. and tell them what is happening to me. You’re calling or I have to?” 

Tony stared at him ready to keep arguing, but someone knocked at the door and he gestured at it, “I _already_ called,” he snorted, moving to sit back on the couch. 

Steve took a deep breath to calm down and moved to open the door. 

“Captain, if you could warn us immediately about being infected by an unknown virus next time, that would be really appreciated,” Maria Hill said stepping inside, scanning the room while nodding at Tony that just made a salute without looking away from his phone. 

“I was going to. We moved in here to make it easier for the rest of you downstairs.” Steve said. 

“We got the kidnapper. I'm going to assist in the interrogation right now,” Maria said turning back to him. “His name is Charles Jessin. He had worked for a little scientific company until some weeks ago, when his project was rejected for the tenth time.” 

“Project about what?” Tony asked, suddenly more interested. 

“He was working on developing methods to control people’s mind and emotions. Apparently, he made it.” She said, then looked better at the soldier, “So you got hit? Can you tell us something about it? How are feeling?” 

“He used a needle on me. Isn’t physically painful so far, but it quickly gets worst in other ways.” 

She frowned, “How?” 

“It gives hallucinations. It makes you hear voices… people you know, it seems.” 

“You heard them?” 

“Yes. Still do.” 

Maria thought for a moment, and then asked, “What they say?” 

Tony had put his phone away, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Not nice things,” Steve answered. “That’s why Doctor Matis was so confused and scared when we found her. The hallucinations probably drove her insane.” 

"Julie would've deserved better than dying because of a stupid drug," she said coldly, almost angry, but then continued in her usual, professional way. “If you still hear these voices, would be better for you to stay here. Hopefully, your system will reject the virus before it gets worst. If not, we’ll ask for the cure to Jessin himself. Among other things we're really curious to know.” She looked at the other man, “Stark, what about you?” 

“No creepy voices for me. Like Julie said, it’s not contagious.” He answered. 

“Probably, but I want you to stay here until we’ll get the result of your blood’s test. You could also update us on Captain Rogers’ conditions, if you don't mind."

Tony shrugged, "I don't." 

"Good. We’ll keep in touch.” And that said, Maria left. 

Steve sighed but didn’t have the time or the strength to complain.

_You really like to be treated like an experiment_

A crack made Tony blink and look at the table the soldier was leaning on, now cracked under his hand. “Told you he can be a professional asshole if he wants to.” 

Steve stared nervously at the ruined table and shook his head. “It’s fake. I know it’s all fake, but…” 

“But actually hear him talking it’s another story.” Tony finished for him and got a cold glare in response. “Hey, you said that: drug inducing hallucinations... how Howard is scaring you, anyway?” he asked then, curiously. 

“He’s not scaring me.” 

“Then how-“ 

“It’s not just about fear,” Steve added, trying to be patient, but unable to say more. 

Tony thought for a long moment, then nodded slowly. “Ok...” 

Steve snorted coldly, “That's all you have to say?” 

Tony was used dealing with Captain America angry with him, but now he was tense, worried- almost scared about something that was completely unexpected for both of them. “I’m just trying to understand. What else can I do? It might sound strange, but I actually want to help.” 

“If you want to help, I’m sure downstairs people would like your advice on the situation.” 

“I’m giving my support from here.” He showed his phone when he looked up, “I may have left the suit at home, but I’m always connected with JARVIS. I’ve sent him all the info and soon I’ll have my stuff here, to start working on this thing," he said and he placed a syringe on the coffee table, some of a blue liquid was inside. 

Steve moved closer, surprised. “You keep it?” 

“S.H.I.E.L.D. got the man, I just need this.” Watching the soldier staring down at him coldly, he added, “I’m not hiding it, I gave them the most of it. I just needed a little sample I could work on.” 

_You don’t need a cure. You deserve to know what a failed creation you are_

“Shut up,” Steve growled closing his eyes, but then looked up and saw Tony staring in silence at him, taken aback. “Not you. Sorry.” He sat down on a chair, hiding his face in a hand. 

“Howard?” He asked. “Just tell me what he’s saying. And don’t say _nothing_.” 

Steve kept quiet. Repeating those words wasn’t easy… especially knowing that they weren’t completely caused by the drug. Those were dark thoughts that came hunting him when his defenses were down... when the memories of the past were unbearable, and he carefully kept them hidden somewhere deep inside his heart for a reason. Hearing them coming from Peggy and Howard wasn’t something he was expecting to happen. 

“I know isn’t easy, but try, at least? If it was me in your place, you would’ve forced me to talk, so I’ll keep doing the same.” Tony said sitting in front of him, looking into his blue eyes until his phone rang and he checked on it, “My stuff is on the way...”

Steve actually felt gratitude for the man, “I’m glad it didn’t happen to you.”

“It would’ve been easier, trust me. I’m used to people talking shit about me since I was a kid.” He murmured putting the phone away.

Steve knew most of the public history of Tony Stark by now, and adding some little chat they had after the battle in New York, he slowly started to feel kind of protective towards him. “Better this way, then. You wouldn’t deserve something like this.” 

Tony blushed slightly and coughed to distract himself from those words. “Why, do you?” He huffed out, and watching him stay quiet wasn’t what he was expecting, “Steve, you’re not-” 

“No. No, I know these are just...” 

“Hallucinations?” Tony helped. 

Steve sighed. “Yeah.” 

“They said something that really hit your nerves…” 

_You were nothing. Even a rat could’ve become a hero with the serum. Maybe a better one too_

Before Steve could jump up and run away, Tony grabbed his arm stronger than the soldier ever thought he could. 

“Tell me what he said,” he asked once again, “It can’t be worse than all the gossips I read about myself every day.” He then squeezed a bit his arm, “It’s the only way I know to help you right now. Just spit it out.” 

Steve keep quiet for another moment. “He’s talking about Project Rebirth… that it was a failure,” Admitting aloud that Howard said that _he_ himself was the failure, was too painful.

Tony’s face stayed blank, nodding, waiting for him to continue.

“And how I’m messing his family up,” he added, and the half-laugh he got in response was sure a surprise. 

“You're messing up the family? Funny, coming from him,” Tony snorted. “We’ve always been a mess as a family, and mostly because of him. About Project Rebirth, we all can see that it wasn’t a failure at all,” he continued, letting him go, wiggling his eyebrows and making him look down in slight embarrassment. “Steve, you saved them in the ‘40s, and you were here seventy years later to help us save the world again. Lots of things can be said about you, but that you're a failure is not one of them.” 

Steve smiled a bit, a little, tense smile. He breathed out the tension and looked at him with silent gratitude. 

“I win the first round.” Tony announced, still grinning, “Told you to let me handle him. I’m used to it.” 

“You two really never managed to get along?” 

Tony scratched his neck. “You want the truth or the melodramatic version?” 

“Truth.” 

“He was stuck in the past more than you are. And you sure have more reasons than him for it.” Tony cleared his throat and added, “It’s not even because of you, honestly. He wanted to keep working on his projects and that was fine, but he could’ve-” he looked down, shrugging, “Maybe he just wasn’t the family type.” 

Steve might have seen only the best side of Howard, but still, it was hard thinking about him as a cruel, cold man- and father. “I'm sure you have at least one good memory of him.” 

“Mh… no, not really.” 

“Come on. He was always your father. Maybe not the perfect one, but-“ 

“You know what, if you keep telling me about the voices, I’ll try to think about one good memory about Howard. Deal?” 

Steve huffed, “I don’t think I have much of a choice.” 

“Nope. Tormenting people until they speak up is one of my favorite hobbies,” Tony confirmed. 

_You knew you couldn’t survive that flight... You choose to abandon me_

Steve felt his heart clench painfully and the smile faded from his face. 

“What now? What else did he say?” 

“It’s not Howard. It’s- it’s Peggy.” 

After a brief moment of surprise, Tony asked more gently, “You can hear her too?” and the soldier nodded. “Ok… well, that’s easier. I mean, it’s Peggy- your Peggy. You know she would never say anything bad about you.” 

“She would've all the reasons for it,” Steve said quietly, and before the other could ask, he added, “She’s saying that I abandon her. That I knew I wouldn’t be back alive from the flight.” 

_I should’ve expect that from you_

Steve could feel his determination cracking. “Still nothing from S.H.I.E.L.D.?” 

Tony shook his head, concerned. “Not yet. Steve, listen…” 

_That you would've preferred to die rather than stay with me._

“I didn’t!” Steve couldn’t stop from shouting, standing up and turning around to check the area, looking for someone that wasn’t there. He knew was all in his head, but hearing those words was unbearable. 

_We hoped for a hero, and instead, we got a sick, little kid coward enough to abandon us all. Just to follow his dead friend to the grave._ Howard’s voice was so cruel, so cold…

Steve could feel his hands shaking because of fear, anger, sadness… no one had to see him like this. Especially his teammates. 

“Steve-“ 

“Sorry, I- I need to stay alone. I’ll be fine.” He said without looking back, marching towards the door, but after two steps there were arms around his torso, making him stop and blink in surprise. “Tony, let me go,” he said with a tense voice, his heart thumping fast in his chest.

“Can’t do, sorry. Whoa- Steve, come on!” Tony grabbed him even stronger when the soldier just kept walking forward, dragging him along like he was nothing. “I have to keep an eye on you, remember? Hill will kill me if I let you go while you're having a breakdown!” 

Steve stopped in front of the door, staring at the two arms pressing tightly around his stomach. “I don’t want to repeat what they say. Hear it once it’s enough.”

“Fine, as you wish. We’ll try to work with what we have,” Tony said, trying to regain his balance against the soldier’s back. He felt Steve grabbing his wrists, each one with one hand, freeing himself with no effort at all, but he didn’t let him go. Standing behind him, he could only look up at his blonde hair. 

“I can deal with them, but if more voices will start…” Steve said after a bit.

“You need to keep in mind they’re just hallucinations,” Tony said, “There’s only you and me here, not Peggy, nor my father. They’re not real.” 

“Just you and me…” 

“Exactly.” Tony confirmed and then sighed, “You know I can’t physically stop you if you want to leave, but don’t expect me to just stay here, watching you running around screaming like a madman.” 

Steve breathed out a soft, little laugh. “That’s not a very nice image…” he said letting him go and turning around.

“In other circumstances, I would let you and film every second of it... maybe next time.” He said with irony, “You’ll be alright in no time. And if you need to destroy something in the meanwhile, the suite is all yours.” 

“Really?” 

“The hotel’s mine. Feel free to hulk-out as much as you want.” 

“Thanks for the offer...” 

“Cheer up, you're Captain America, after all. I'm sure you- ah, my stuff’s here. Be right back.” That said, Tony quickly walked away. 

Steve stopped himself from asking him not to go. Watching him disappear from the room, being suddenly alone, he tensed once again. Taking a deep breath, he tried to stay calm in the silence around him. 

_You’re Captain America, and still, you couldn’t even save your best friend_

Steve knew it was just a matter of time, but that voice- those words, hit him like a punch in the stomach and he closed his eyes. “Not real. It’s not real…” 

_They call you a hero… You’re walking over the bodies of all the people he left behind, Steve_

He shook his head, sitting on the couch, head lowered into his hands. 

_You left me to die. You didn’t save me… and you couldn’t even save yourself_

“I tried…” 

_At least I died fighting. You just gave up_

“I didn’t. Buck, please-” 

_You never deserved the serum… you never deserved a chance in the first place_

“Steve? Shit… Steve, come on, don’t listen- ok, hold on.” 

Steve could hear the other voice, the one a part of him knew it was real, but Bucky’s voice was so close, whispering into his hear… and he missed that voice so much. Even if those words were hurting like nothing else could, he always wished to hear his friend’s voice again. He was just saying the truth, after all…

“Ok… Steve stay still for a sec.” 

“He’s right… why I should’ve deserved a chance?” Steve murmured to himself, feeling someone close to him- now actually, _physically_ close, and the fear to open his eyes and find Bucky staring angrily at him made him shiver. 

_You got a new life you don't deserve_

“Steve, stay still, let me-“ 

“No-“ Steve tried to move away and something hit his head, before the sounds started to be muffled, distant. What was going on? 

“It’s alright- open your eyes.” 

_The future might have forgiven you, but I never will_

Steve started fighting when he found himself laying on his back under the weight of something- someone. His punch hit somewhere and he distantly heard a yelp, but then was all silence… until a soft music started: a low, slow and soft jazz that captured his thoughts and he drifted away for a moment. Was it a moment? Or it was hours? A day? 

Something moved over his chest and he flinched, still tense. 

“You ok there, Cap?” 

Steve never felt so happy to hear Tony’s voice- even if so muffled, like he was listening from underwater… 

“Steve?” 

“Y-yeah… what happened?” 

“You don’t remember?” Tony asked, then added, “Have you opened your eyes yet?” 

Steve took a deep breath, feeling Tony breathing over his chest, but before asking why he was laying on top of him, he opened his eyes and blinked in surprise: there were lots of little screens around his head, on a black background, and the one in front of him was showing the title of the song- the music still playing on a low volume around his head. “What the…? What is this?” he moved his hand, but the fingers hit on metal instead of his own face. 

“It’s part of my suit.” Tony said tiredly, his voice vibrating over his chest, “Please, don’t break it.” 

Steve was still looking at the screens, noticing one that it was reporting also his vitals. “You put me in the Iron Man’s suit?” 

“It’s just the helmet, Captain Genius.” 

Steve took another deep breath of relief when he realized Tony's plan. “You put it on me to not let me hear the voices?” 

“Did it worked?” 

“Yes...” He dropped his head on the couch and his arm down, “Good thinking.” 

“You’re welcome.” He moved a bit on top of him, then said, “J, how’s the Captain?” 

“His conditions appear to be stable, sir,” the AI said, his voice echoing low and calm around Steve's ears. 

“The music’s still going?” 

“It is,” Steve said, “but I can’t see anything.” 

After a second, Tony asked, “J, what about that?” 

“Based on Captain Rogers' status, would be safer to-“ 

“It’s ok. Basic vision won’t kill him.” 

Steve was still listening to them when the eyes of the Iron Man’s helmet opened over the ceiling of the suite. He couldn’t hide a little breath of relief. 

“Better?” Tony asked. 

“Yeah, just- still kind of limited...” Steve thought for a second, “You should work on a better view.” 

Tony giggled, “I can have a full-screen view too, but thanks for the heads up.” 

Steve could feel him laughing softly against his chest and shivered a bit. “Tony, you- why you’re…?” 

“Why I was sleeping on top of you? It’s kind of your fault, you know?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that _you_ put me to sleep.” 

Steve frowned. “Me?” he then felt him moving again, this time a hand brushing against his shoulder to lay next to him, and suddenly Tony’s face appeared over his eyesight. 

“You don’t remember punching your savior in the face?” he said, pointing at the bruise on his cheek, “You knocked me out. And my neck hurts because you’re not even than soft as a pillow.” 

“I hit you?” 

“Yup. You were a mess when I came back so I thought to use the helmet. Not the best idea, clearly, but it’s not like I could put you in the whole suit…” he shrugged. 

“Tony, I-”

"Sir, a message from S.H.I.E.L.D. just arrived," JARVIS said. 

"Show it to the Captain. He's the leader, after all." 

Before Steve could say something, a screen showed him the message and the info Maria Hill found. Reading it, he took a deep breath. 

"The good news first," Tony said with a tired sigh. 

"They talked to Jessin. It seems that the virus is just temporary, around ten hours..." 

"That's actually a good news." 

"The bad one is that Julie could've survived," Steve sighed, reading the last part of the info. "She told you who she was talking with, in the pool?" 

"No. Only that it was a _she_. Why?" 

"Julie' sister died last year, in a car crash... she was still dealing with the loss, and requested to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. next year." Steve sighed, looking down and the info disappeared. When he looked up again, he could see the same sadness on Tony's face. He stared at the bruise on his cheek. "Tony, I'm sorry I hit you." 

“I know. It’s ok,” He nodded seriously, still digesting the info, so he flinched a bit when Steve's hand moved to his face, touching slightly on the bruise and he closed an eye at the slight pain. “It hurts, yes. No need to test it.” He felt the hand linger over his cheek and stop over his shoulder. He frowned, looking down at him, “What? I can’t see your face... That’s surprisingly annoying.” 

"It's just-" 

"We tried to help Julie. She- she didn't give us the time to. What happened to her it's not on you, ok?" 

Steve blinked, surprised, smiling a bit. “I was going to say that it’s just weird wearing a helmet and- seeing like this... but thanks.” 

“Good. Wait... _seeing like this_? Are you- J, are you scanning me?” Tony asked, suddenly on alert. 

“Just as the standard procedure requires to, sir.” 

“Oh for God’s- cut it out. He don’t need that.” 

“It shows everything about you…” the soldier said in awe, looking at the various screens appearing down, under the Iron Man’s open eyes, describing and showing Tony's status.

“Ok, Steve, that’s creepy.” 

“JARVIS said this is your _standard procedure_.” 

“Yeah, when I’m out the suit he checks automatically on me, but now there’s no need to-“ Tony saw him look down, at his chest- at the reactor. He knew his heartbeat speeded up even without any screen: he grabbed the helmet’s chin and pushed Steve’s head back up, forcing him to look at the ceiling again. 

Steve was still trying to take in what he just saw: the reactor, that complex piece of technology inside Tony’s chest; the fragments of bombs around his heart… it was something the helmet let him see perfectly clear, like an x-ray scan. “Sorry, I- I just… looked down.” 

“That’s cheating.” 

Tony’s voice was serious and low, but Steve couldn’t see his face, his head still held in place. “Sorry,” he said again. Tony helped him so much and the first thing he did in return was spying on a part of him that clearly wasn’t made for anyone to see. 

After a moment of silence, Tony said, “How it looks?” his voice still low.

“Honestly?” 

“Why, you can lie?” 

“It looks like you have a little oven inside your chest.” 

There was another moment of silence, then Tony let him go and dropped his head on his chest again, hard enough to make him flinch, slowly starting to laugh until they both completely lost it.

“An oven…” Tony said when he was able to talk between the giggles, “I didn’t see that coming.” 

“You wanted me to be honest,” Steve said still smiling. He felt Tony’s head turning and wondered why he wasn’t standing up yet. He could just ask Tony to move, but… he was feeling so safe there, with the helmet protecting him from the demons of the past... and Tony over himself like a shield.

“You owe me one for that view, Rogers.” Tony murmured. 

“I have to repay you now?” 

“Obviously.” 

A patient sigh. “How much?” 

“Just a question?” 

Steve could imagine what he was going to ask. “Alright.” 

“The last person you heard before…was it Bucky?” Tony asked carefully, feeling the soldier’s body tense beneath himself. 

“Yeah.” Steve focused on the music, glad that he couldn't hear anything else aside that and Tony’s voice. “I knew he would be my breaking point.” He admitted sadly.

“You know he wouldn’t think those things about you. That you didn't deserved a chance.” 

Steve blushed. “I said that aloud too…?” he asked, cursing at himself.

“I’m serious,” Tony pushed up on his hands, appearing on his view again, “You deserved it and you know that. Half of the world knows.” 

“It’s not half of world that helped me survive without a family during a war…" Steve’s voice was low and gloomy even through the speakers, "I didn’t _need_ half of the world.” 

Tony didn’t say anything, but sadness appeared in his eyes. 

“I know Bucky was proud of me- of what I’ve become. That’s why- that’s what makes it worse.” Steve instinctively moved a hand to his face, hitting the helmet again. “Think you can take this off of me?” he sighed.

"It's not ten hours yet, though, so be ready," Tony warned him before clinking a button on the side of the helmet and the faceplate slid up instantly. 

Steve squinted his eyes at the sudden light with a little groan. “Damn- how you got used to this?” he asked and blinked again, in surprise, when Tony leaned down to kiss him. 

Was a sudden kiss that started to become more passionate a second before Tony moved back, opening his eyes and looking as if he had just killed someone. “Did I just-?” 

Steve tried to say something, but then managed only to nod and he saw Tony's face turning red before the faceplate rushed down again, even the eyes closed now, leaving him in the dark. “Wha- hey! Tony, open this thing-” he grabbed the helmet, but unable to find the button by himself. 

“Not today. Probably not ever.” Tony murmured looking around as if searching for the faster way to escape. 

Steve felt him trying to stand, so he moved to grab his arms, but actually grabbed him by his hips. “Wait a minute-“ 

“You should really let go.” 

“No, I- why you’re leaving? You-“ 

“Maybe you can’t see it, but our actual position is kind of… easy to misunderstand.” 

Steve was frowning, then slowly pictured the situation in his mind- laying on his back on the couch, blocking Tony on top of himself by his hips- and blushed a bit. “Oh.” 

“Yeah, _oh_ indeed.” 

Steve felt him grabbing his hands to get free, so he slowly moved them away from his hips and let them rest on his shoulders, leaving a gentle, warm trail over his arms in the process. Tony was immobile like a statue, but Steve could feel his body shivering under the touch, so tense- still ready to run away soon as possible. “You kissed me.” 

“Really? I didn’t notice.” 

“Why?” 

The other groaned and tried to move away, but the grasp over his shoulders kept him in place. 

“Tony-“ 

“There’s no reason. I just…” a deep sigh, “I guess I found out a kink I wasn’t aware of...” 

Steve blinked, in contemplative silence for a few seconds. “Me in your suit it’s a kink?” 

“ _Ohmygod_ , you just **did not** say that.” 

Steve grabbed his arms to keep him there while moving himself to sit on the couch. “Can you take the helmet off of me?” 

“No way.” 

“I’ll do it myself and you know I’ll break it.” 

“Or you’ll get stuck.” 

Steve took a deep breath. “I can’t see you like this.” 

“I’m sure you can easily kill me even being blind.” 

“I don’t want to kill you.” 

“Steve, I’m sorry, ok? I was just-“ 

“You know I won’t believe anything you say like this.” Steve didn’t let him go, waiting, until he felt him rising his arms, then there was another click and he closed his eyes while the helmet was removed. He shook his head a bit, feeling his hair all messy, watching Tony blushing even more. “Removing the helmet from me is another kink of yours?” 

Tony was ready to explode- of both, embarrassment and annoyance. “You’re-“ he started, but then just breathed out and looked down at the helmet between them in defeat. Facing the soldier with that messy hair was something else he wasn’t expecting to affect him so much. 

Steve studied him for a moment, now that he could, feeling kind of embarrassed himself: Tony was right in front of him and so much closer than he thought, sitting between his legs, and no one dared to move. “Tony, I mean it. I’m not angry. I'm-“ 

“Finally ready to end my misery?” 

“I was going to say _surprised_ ,” he pointed out patiently, letting him go. 

Tony sighed, shaking his head, “Look, I’m sorry. I was tired, worried, and you sounded so sad, so… it just happened. You can punch me again, so we’ll be even.” 

“I've hurt you enough already,” Steve said staring at the bruise on his cheek with a guilty look. He looked briefly down at the helmet, “I don’t hear anything- anyone anymore… I guess I’m good.” 

That made Tony look up at him, studying him more seriously, “Nothing at all?” 

Steve looked around and shook his head, watching Tony’s shoulders and head drop in relief. “You worry too much.” He said with a little smile. 

“Last person that got hit by that virus shot herself in the head. What was I supposed to do if you- how I would be able to stop you from doing something stupid?” 

Steve noticed Tony’s hands were nervously grasping the edges of the helmet. “Tony, I’m fine.“ 

“I know,” he said angrier than he wanted, and then sighed. “I know…” he murmured sadly, rubbing his eyes with a hand. 

“You kept me safe.” 

“Shut up, Rogers.” 

“I made it because you were here. You helped me through this.” 

“Would you just-“ Tony lose his temper when he saw the smile on Steve’s face, and his blue eyes looking down at his lips for a moment.

“It’s the truth. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you- and your helmet. You didn’t give up on me, even if I hit you… I owe you.” 

“You already clear the debt,” Tony said, still looking embarrassed. “I stole a kiss from you. ‘Guess we’re even.” 

“You don’t need to steal it,” Steve said calmly.

Tony studied him for a moment, then huffed a laugh moved his hand to grab Steve's wrist, gently, but firmly. “Well, you can steal one from me anytime you like.” 

“Good to know,” Steve said and leaned forward for another kiss, hearing just his own heartbeat and the jazz playing softly from the helmet.

**Author's Note:**

> Jazz is love, jazz is life.  
> Quick backstory: this prompt was born while having a DCvsMARVEL fight with a dear, insane friend of mine. A SteveRogersVSClarkKent fight, essentially, and of course it ended with us making up nightmares that could mentally destroy both of them. *poker face* Because that's what people normally talk about. 
> 
> ANYWAY. I was _so_ close making this fic about Tony's personal hell and Steve helping him out- and dear Lord, if there's a LOT of bad things that a LOT of people could say to Tony... but I've read lots of Tony!Angst fic already, so I usually tend to put all the suffering on Steve... if someone wants to use this idea for Tony, be my guest, because I sure would love read it. *poker face 2.0*


End file.
